I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
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