You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
