I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
Randomize
