Porn is love you can see.
If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
Randomize
