i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Randomize
