i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
