Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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