Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
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