one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
