Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Randomize
