Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Randomize
