We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Randomize
