I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
Randomize
