So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
