Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
All I want is dick and wine.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Randomize
