I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
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