yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
