Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
