Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
Too much gin, very little bucket
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
Randomize
