Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
You pole danced in your parka.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
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