only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
