i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
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