I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
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