hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
Randomize
