i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
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