I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
Randomize
