I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
operation have a gay friend backfired
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
