I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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