so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
