I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
