it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
two words: eviction party
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
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