His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
Randomize
