Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
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