I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
my sisters under your porch take her home
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
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