It's like God shit irony all over that family
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
Randomize
