Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
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