your thong is hanging out like whoa
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
Are these your boobs on my camera?
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