i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
Randomize
