oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
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