i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
Never underestimate the power of titties
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