ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
Randomize
