She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
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