mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
Randomize
