Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
