Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
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