I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
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