I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
Randomize
