these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
Randomize
