Are we in a gay sports bar?
he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
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