I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
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