my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
Randomize
