i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize
