i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
tell your sister to shave her snatch
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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