She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
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